Today is one of these days when anything I start feels like a mistake. I‘ve miscut two (!!) lino plates, every single line/cut felt just wrong. I could not work on drawings, it just felt like I had no idea what it should look like, I was unhappy with every correction, and had no connection between my hands and whatever. The sketches felt wrong, all the lines I cut, or miscut, to be correct, the whole concept of that set of cards felt wrong, and I wondered if these card designs would ever make sence. It feels strange and empty. And it distresses at the same time. I wanted to make these linocuts today and hence, feel myself sort of reluctant towards moving to anything else, as long as the sketches for lino were still laying undone.
I‘ve always pushed myself into work at the very start, and a couple of minutes later felt that connection, that sort of joy and melting into the process, feeling nothing else but pure pleasure and enjoying the advancement, enjoying the process, finding new possibilities that only work, and no paper concept would ever unveil, and embrasing them, working on despite of stops, slow-downs or re-makes if there was a mistake. This morning it felt like nothing, no joy, no melting into the process, the whole project looked like wishy-washy, and life- and purposeless. So now I find myself writing these lines instead of working in my studio - maybe that helps.